Unsaid
by Nerwen Aldarion
Summary: Episode Tag to 5X22. Picks up where the episode left off, Jane and Lisbon talk about what this all means with Red John and Lisbon tries to bring up what both of them have avoided...to surprising results. Jisbon


Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I loved the finale, I really did and I'm so excited for season 6 especially after Bruno's interview. But I wasn't going to write a tag. Everyone writes tags and I didn't want to be one of the many but on my way to work suddenly an idea popped into my head and refused to let me go so here I am. It's short, it's sad but I hope you guys find it as powerful as it was in my head.

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Unsaid

Lisbon stared at the seven photographs in front of her. One of them was Red John but she couldn't begin to narrow it down any further. She knew over half of them fairly well, one was her boss. It was alls so surreal that someone she'd spoken to, perhaps someone she had shared numerous poker games with…was a serial killer.

She kept coming back to what all of this meant, how Red John had not only been able to basically read Jane's mind to get into his past. But also to predict exactly whom Jane would narrow the list down to. It made her wonder just what kind of person were they chasing?

And now he was going to kill again.

She hadn't really been a part of the Red John task force when Red John had been at his peak, she'd had to deal with Red John protecting his identity or playing mind games with Jane. Now the body count was going to rise considerably and she honestly had no idea how she would be able to manage not only the investigations but the panic this would cause as well.

Jane wasn't even looking at her now, calmly tossing the pieces of the now destroyed disk away as if they hadn't both been given absolutely devastating news. But Lisbon knew him well, yes he was calm but inside he was churning with the new information. This had to be killing him.

"Jane," she began softly, still sitting in the chair. "It's not your fault."

He looked up at her, a little surprised. "Excuse me?"

"I know what you are thinking," Lisbon "This isn't your fault. You can't take responsibility for Red John here. You were only doing your job."

"He's changing the game," Jane reminded her.

"I know, I saw the video. He's going to start killing again," Lisbon continued, "but that is who Red John is. It's what he does. He was going to kill because it is in his nature. If you are this close to finding him…it means he's afraid too."

"He's losing control," Jane agreed, "He's falling apart at the seams and he is going to make mistakes."

"Yes," she said, "this is what happens. They spiral out of control and that is when they are caught."

But Jane didn't look comforted by that fact at all. Instead his eyes were dark when he met hers. "You don't understand, Lisbon. Red John is angry that I have succeeded this much, he's angry that I turned Lorelei against him…and we all know what he does to those he's angry with."

Her heart stopped for a moment as fear made her fingertips prickle like pin pricks. If Red John was angry with Jane he could kill…"You?"

Jane smiled bitterly and shook his head. "No, he very much wants me alive to play this game. But he already killed a happy memory of mine. What's stopping him from going after the one person I need the most?"

Now she did gape at him in stunned disbelief. It wasn't boasting or flattery to know that Jane was talking about herself. It was merely a fact. Jane needed her…just as much as she needed him. But oddly enough, the fear left her system. Jane's death wasn't something she could fathom…but her life being in danger was something she could deal with. "It's going to be okay," She told him softly.

"You aren't going to die," Jane told her definitively.

"It's going to be okay."

"Stop saying that," he said, his voice was harsh. She knew he wasn't mad at her, he was angry that this was happening. And he was afraid.

Actually he was terrified.

But Lisbon was already preparing herself for the danger. She knew that Red John was a very real threat and she couldn't help but believe that if he truly wanted her dead…he could do it quite easily. He'd had Bosco and Wainwright killed, framed Hightower, all of that was intricately done. Her gun and skills might not be enough here, not against the man who literally read Jane's thoughts.

She could take this though. Death was a part of the job, it wasn't something she relished but it was something she'd always known was possible. But there were things she had to face if things did go badly.

_"Good luck, Teresa. Love you."_

_ "You do it to be close to Teresa Lisbon. I think you are a little bit in love with her."_

_ "Where were you. Let me see. Lying in bed thinking of Patrick. You're a little in love with him."_

Three times.

That was three times the word they did not talk about had come up and three times that they had both pretended it hadn't been said. When she'd tried to bring it up again in the car he'd cut her off, revealing one name on his list instead. Lisbon wasn't an idiot, if Red John knew what Jane was thinking then Jane damn well knew what she was thinking.

He hadn't wanted to talk about it.

She didn't really either, not if it meant risking so much. But if she might very well die then she didn't want to go to the grave with so many questions.

"Jane," Lisbon began, standing up from her chair so she could step closer to him. "We really have to talk."

"Isn't that what we are doing?"

She didn't look annoyed at him…rather disappointed. "You know what I meant."

Jane's face melted into real seriousness…and even more fear. "No, we are not going to talk about that."

"Barlowe said it! Lorelei said it! You said it a year ago," Lisbon reminded him, her voice getting louder. "How many times are we just going to avoid it?"

"As many times as we can."

"That isn't going to work, Jane," she told him. "I can't work like this. I can't face Red John with these questions hanging over my head."

"Red John is not going to kill you, I won't let him."

"And pretending this isn't happening is going to stop him?"

"Yes."

She was surprised by his answer, but he didn't look as sure as his voice sounded. No his eyes were those of a desperate man. "You don't believe that," Lisbon said firmly, "You and I both know that he already knows."

Jane closed his eyes briefly, as if in real pain. This was the closest they'd ever gotten to saying those words out loud…all because a serial killer already knew something they would not, could not admit.

"I've had a lot of time to think about this," Lisbon told him, "this past year has been so painful and difficult and I can't stop hiding what is happening—."

"Stop," Jane said again, "please, stop."

"If Red John kills me—."

"Don't, don't say it."

"Dammit, Jane I have to!" Tears were starting fall down her cheeks now and she didn't do anything to stop them.

"Please," Jane said again, "I'm begging you. Don't."

But she was determined. "Jane, I think I—." Before she could get the big word out, Jane forced her to be quiet with probably the only way he could.

She was so stunned by Jane's kiss that for the first few seconds she hadn't even realized what was happening. He'd grabbed her shoulders and forced her up against him, his lips were hard and bruising with pain and desperation. But it felt so amazing too.

Lisbon was pushed back up against the sloped wall, tears still falling down her cheeks but all she could feel was Jane. Her hands at his neck, finding his soft curls and the stubble on his cheek. This kiss was not tender or sweet; it was fueled by longing, passion and desperation.

Then Jane pulled back slightly, tears shining in his own eyes now too. "Please," he said again, "don't say it."

She stared back into his eyes, she saw the pain, the fear…and the one emotion he was begging her not to admit. God why did it have to be so complicated? Why couldn't they be what they wanted?

Because giving in would be too dangerous.

"Okay," Lisbon whispered, her voice cracking a little as the tears fell once more down her cheeks.

Jane sighed in relief and rested his forehead against hers. "Thank you." She felt his lips again, this time on her cheek, kissing her tears away so gently. "Thank you."

She still held him close as she tried to stop crying, Jane's lips taking away every tear until she finally stopped. Only then did he step away from her again.

They just looked at each other for a very long time. Her lips and cheeks still tingled from his kiss.

"You should go," Jane told her, his voice was hoarse and low with emotion. She'd never seen him so unraveled before. "Go home, get some sleep."

Sleep? How was she supposed to do that?

But she moved slowly, woodenly towards the door. When she made it outside of the room, she turned to look at him. He didn't want her to say it…because it was so much easier to pretend it wasn't real if she didn't. She knew that, he just wanted to protect her…but it hurt so much. Suddenly afraid that she'd made a big mistake in all of this. "I'm sorry," Lisbon told him.

Jane shook his head again. "You shouldn't."

She had no idea if he meant she shouldn't be sorry for trying…or sorry for feeling what she did.

Lisbon turned and she heard the door shut behind her. She made it halfway down the steps before the sobs came bursting from her chest and she had to sit down in the middle of the dusty stairwell to cry.

Songs, poems and books were written about how hard it was to say those three little words…but Lisbon had never known that it was even harder _not_ saying it.

Because nothing hurt more than what was left unsaid.

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A/N: See Bruno? It's not that hard to get them to kiss! LOL But seriously, let me know what you think. I'm more nervous than usual about posting this!


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